All posts by Michael

Metaphysical/Spiritual

The Yellow Brick road

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The “Yellow Brick Road” is a 10 blog series;  An introduction and initial orientation to several “maps of the territory” I have discovered in my 40 years in search of a cure for “my” condition of Type 1 Diabetes.

When I was 14 (going to turn 55 next month) I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. My biggest challenge in life has been living with this dis-ease.  It is an extremely difficult and dangerous physical condition.

Without injecting insulin I would not survive for much more than a few days.  From the day I was diagnosed my greatest desire has been to experience a healing; a cure.  I have not found the “cure” yet, however, my quest to fulfill my desire has introduced me to multiple paths of inquiry.

Fifteen years ago I was introduced to Yoga and Chinese Medicine and Crania-Sacral Therapy and Kabbalah and Integral Theory and Spiral Dynamics and Vipassana Meditation and Zen and many other wonderful, dynamic and profound wisdom paths and inquiries of Truth.

The experience of living with Type 1 Diabetes (T1D) has been and continues to be a profound “map” for me.

The structure of this presentation is a step-by-step, or,  a brick-by-brick, process texturized and colored with the introduction and orientation of multiple scientific, meta-physical and mystical perspectives; “maps of the territory.”

Interjected throughout are some short video clips, personal experiences and awarenesses.

The video’s are for imparting information, introducing “tools” we may acquire during our journey, and setting the “mood.” or cognitive-emotional “canvas.”  The music videos don’t have to be listened to their end.  You will probably “get it” once you hear the first couple seconds of a song.   Some of them are worth the listen all the way through, I think.

Simply click on the light green link to access each “Brick.”

Continue reading The Yellow Brick road →
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The Growth process

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A great Zen Master once said ….

“We are all traveling in a big circle.

Does not matter much where on the circle you are.  

What is important is that you keep moving.”

There are many ways to view movement.  One way is through the lens of growth and development…..

THE GROWTH PROCESS:

Stage 1 – CONFUSION:  What is the desired outcome?  What is the challenge? What game are we playing?  What is the objective?

If the cup is full there is no desire to grow.  This is the awareness stage.  What is not known is allowed to be included.  Every journey starts with the first step.  This is step one in the process.  There may be several objectives that are identified that are in need of attention.  It is best to start with one.  Stage one is the process of confronting confusion with conscious awareness and resolving to engage with a positive, solution oriented and responsible approach and attitude.

Stage 2 – EXPLORATION:  What are the components/functions involved?  What must be accounted for?  What are the ingredients?  This is the brainstorming stage.

 We have identified the game or ‘movie’ we have decided to play out. Now, we must equip ourselves with what is needed to play.  When in brainstorming mode, it is important to cultivate an open and non judgmental mind set.  Good practice is to list everything that is thought of and then go through and prioritize in order of importance.

Stage 3 – INCUBATION:   What is our strategy?  How are we going to play?  What systems and procedures do we need to put in place?  This is the creative step.  We take our list of ingredients, component parts and functions we identified in stage 2 and create innovative, design oriented processes to get done what needs to get done.  We create checks and balances and feedback loops.

It’s analogous to obtaining and mixing together all the ingredients needed to create a cake and putting it into the oven to bring it all together.

Stage 4: ILLUMINATION:   Time to Implement.  This is the Action step in the process.  In the game analogy, this is play.  This is the engagement stage.  We are working the systems, procedures and training that we identified and created.

The seed that was planted in stage 1 blossoms.

Stage 5 – CELEBRATION:  If there is growth then there is a result or outcome.  This stage in the process is about managing outcomes.  What do we do with them?

The fruit has manifested. Optimal outcome management celebrates this with enjoyment and appreciation.

The fruit contains the seed.

This is about giving back or sharing and going “back” to stage 1 to continue a new growth cycle.

I have created and discovered multiple perspectives of this five step process.

An important part of my philosophy involves the concept of restriction.

It is through the process of restriction that all things of value are birthed.

Think about the birth of  a human being or the outcome of the energy that an accomplished athlete puts into the countless hours of working out and practice.

Every business flow or system should have restrictions built into it.

Without restriction the flow will bleed out quickly, the system will short circuit or burn out.

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Creation story?

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  There is a Kabbalistic Concept that is encompassed in the quote…”The seed of Desire is Fulfillment.” God; The Creator is ‘Fulfillment’; The Emanator. Our souls are the vessels of “Desire’; The Emanated. Prior to the world we currently find ourselves in, our souls were united in oneness in The Endless World (The Or En Sof). There was a direct connection between the Emanated and The Emanator. Time, as we know it, did not exist in this world. Cause and Effect was immediate. Every Desire that the vessel had or could imagine was fulfilled immediately. However, there was a “problem.” The vessels of desire began feel an uncomfortable feeling. They began to awaken to the realization that they were receiving without doing anything for it. It was like having a magic golf club that shot a hole in one every time you teed off. The vessels started wanting to be a part of their own fulfillment and opportunity to share instead of only receive. In order to satisfy this Desire the Creator needed to change up the “System of Things” a little bit. HE/SHE needed to create a new world that included space and time so that the vessels had an opportunity to experience the sense of earning their own fulfillment and a world that they could share with others. BOOM! The “BIG BANG! Instead of a 2 ‘column system’ we now exist in a 3 ‘column’ or 3 dimensional system where there is not a direct connection with The Creator. 

Injecting a Big Picture (Spiritual) element to the question might be a path of inquiry that may lead to an answer. Desire; Want is the nature and essence of the human soul. Total Fulfillment is the essence of The Creator. In our world there is a 3rd ‘column’. Kind of like the way electricity works in a simple light bulb. There is a source of the power (The power station, the positive pole, the yang). There is a receiver (The light bulb, the negative pole, the yin). But deep within the light bulb there is an essential third element; The filament. The role of the filament is to push back; to resist; to restrict. When the filament plays its role then the result is “Lasting Light.” If the filament is not engaged then there is a big spark of light and a short circuit; burnout. Our souls’ biggest desire is to get back to The Endless (The Garden) but, this time, with the awareness of Receiving, not for ourselves alone but, Receiving for the sake of bestowing. This 3rd column is called “The Middle Path” in the Buddhist/Zen environment. Ir is called Restriction by the Kabbalists. It is “The Secret” to seeking True Fulfillment. Namaste. Michael.

Diabetes

The Mobile

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“At most, someone else’s realization can act as an inspiration for others, offering guidelines for them to follow, but ultimately we each must do the work ourselves.” The Buddha.  Does anyone who doesn’t have T1D really know what it is like?  I think they can come pretty close.  Others mourn for and with those of us afflicted.  Those that are really close to us obviously feel it most intensely.  Especially our mother and our father.  The essence of the job of a parent is to create a safe and learning environment for us.  A diagnosis of T1D of a child is a major “blow” to the family system.  I remember learning about family dynamics and counseling in grad school and it being compared to a “mobile.”  Some of you younger than 40 might not know what that is.  I found an image to share with this short post.  

Dear Parents.  I’ve lived with this condition for 43 years now.  I don’t know how I would ever have made it without my father, mother, brother and two sisters.  They all were “affected” by my diagnosis and all that comes with it.  Initially, I felt as though I was walking a tight rope and had no experience.  No one else could get up there with me and hold my hand.  Everyone else was down on the ground cheering me on, noticing with compassion when I “cheated” and catching me when I fell.  As I entered college and through my twenties and early thirties I felt more like I was performing a balance beam act.  The falls were less dramatic.  I had learned enough to put a pad on the ground.  The balancing was easier but the “degree of difficulty” was very high.  Add to that, behavior that was not on the recommended list for people with T1D and, well….It was a daily struggle with a lot of bruises.  

Then a major paradigm shift occurred in my life. At it’s core was the realization that I was 100% responsible for everything in my life, including the diabetes.  I eradicated victim consciousness.  Of course, it tries to pop its head up when I am vulnerable but I know that this is the real battle.  This realization led me to more tools to use to manage my life from day-to-day.  Instead of performing on the balance beam I was piloting a plane.  The physical plane was/is my body, the fuel is the food I eat, the accelerator and acceleration system is the insulin and its delivery.  I use test strips to check my ‘Altitude” (bg level).  I had a CGM.  Can’t handle the additional port hole after all these years.  Plus it drove me a bit batty; it exacerbated my already borderline OCD.  

I’ve developed three “levels” of pilot and co-pilot training.  It is couched in a yogic and Chinese Medicine ‘canvas.’  The objective, of course, is to maintain a safe and healthy altitude level with regards to blood sugar.  Can’t go high for too long, Can’t crash.  Can’t land.   Got to manage turbulence like stress and illness.  Must be aware of and constantly checking things like port site and insulin degradation. Must learn how to negotiate fast swings in altitude levels.  I like to glide.  Level 1 training is the minimum requirements to staying in the air.  Level 2 is exploring and discovering one’s current edge.  Level 3 is how to push against and expand one’s edge.

In my opinion, the best thing a parent can do for a child with T1D is to teach, guide, bring him/her to the water, be in inspiration to “fly the plane.”

Diabetes, Metaphysical/Spiritual

Intuition

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After 43 years of injecting insulin and surviving I can tell you that your most important and useful tool in your “bag of tools” is your intuition.  It takes time to develop but as those of us know who have been dealing with this physical condition and the daily minimum requirements needed to stay here, the “math” does not always work.  There are times when I am in the 200’s and I can do a correction according to the numbers and I can check 2 hours later and I am 25 points higher.  Too many factors at play for the numbers to work the same all the time.  It’s kinda like playing whack-a-mole all day long sometimes.  I realized about 20 years ago that I could develop my intuition.  Make it stronger.  Bring it more into play.  I understand it.  That’s why, after being introduced to yoga, I continued to inquire into it, practice it and even went to a 30 day intensive 200 hour yoga teacher training.  I use to be a corporate trainer; hiring and training sales people and managers.  I think I will make the yoga room my new training room. 

It is my experience and my current working assumption that what is within is what is worth seeking.  Having to live with T1D is like turning up the volume on needing, wanting.  We now need insulin, a way to deliver it and a way to continually check where our blood sugar is at.  The focus is put on us.  There is a saying or quote you may come across when exploring Chinese Medicine.  ….  “The bigger the front, the bigger the back.”  SUDDENLY, upon diagnosis we are confronted with a bigger front; tremendous work to stay healthy and alive.  I am here to tell you it is doable and it is made more doable when you cultivate your intuition.  This is not a condition to rely on the Doctor, Nurse, or CDE for.  They are excellent in introducing you to the “game” and monitoring your “results.”  But they can’t do what you have to do.  And knowing the math and the grams of carbs and your stressors is important.  More important is you connecting to, inquiring into, awakening and growing your intuition.

We all struggle with the daily grind of this dis-ease.  All of us.  I have always seen it as a curse.  And I am not here to tell you it was a blessing in my life.  It freakin sucks a#@.  However, there is an opening that appears with this struggle that I am saying is worth, at least inquiring into.  And this opening can lead to a tremendous blessing.  It is the opening of going within and knowing thyself.  There are many ways to do this.  Stay safe today.