I read only one of Ayn Rand’s Books, Atlas Shrugged. I will always remember one quote from that book that made an impact on me……”If you question your results then check your assumptions.” This has influenced me particularly as I continue to pursue my insidious journey for Truth. I see assumptions as foundational structures of perspective. Perspective is attained through a lens of beliefs, conclusions, opinions, habits of thought, attitude, etc. These can all be and are assumptions. A perspective can be and ultimately is a result. My problem has always been a gap of consciousness between results and assumptions. In other words I really have never held a firm and convicted perspective and have seldom been integral, committed and had faith in my assumptions. This is probably due to my ultimate goal of avoiding responsibility and accountability for my outcomes. What a shame. Nevertheless, the universe continues to slowly and tenderly torture me by, ever so softly, putting in front of my niave and gullable mind the thoughts, insights and wisdom of the sages and prophets. Kabbalah talks of “Bread of Shame” as one of the causes of the birth of creation. Our souls wanted to “earn” their fullfillment. Our souls wanted it to be set up so that we were the cause of our own fullfillment.

In the beggining, before the moment of creation it was not set up this way. Rather, any desire our souls had was fullfilled immediately and completely. Bread of Shame is the feeling of guilt and emptiness one feels when one discovers that fullfillment was not earned or deserved. In order for this to occur….God, who is the primal source of all fullfillment, needed to withdraw himself from the picture, if only for a moment. This resulted in the Big Bang and our present reality. Krishmamurti said that …”The paradox of the paradox is the paradox.” The interplay between desire and fullfillment is a 3 person play. Enter stage left…….Desire, the first paradox. Where do these desires come from? Why are some stronger than others? Why do they so often conflict with each other? Enter Stage Right…..Fullfillment, the second paradox. What is fullfillment? Is it happiness? Is it success? Is it Love? Am I the cause of it or not? Enter Center Stage, The third paradox. An Assumption to be sure. It is koan while at the same time an action. It can be understood in comtemplation of a deep Kabbalistic insight….”Fullfillment is the seed of Desire.” In other words, Fullfillment came first. In fact, fullfillment created desire. The third paradox is the filament of the light bulb connecting the negative pole of the power source (DESIRE) with the positive pole of the power source (FULLFILLMENT). It is often characterized as resistance or restriction.

So The paradox of Desire is that Fullfillment is attained through Resistance to The Fullfillment of the Desire itself. Atleast that is the way it is down here. Spritual and religious pursuits begin to lead us to a deeper understanding of the Truth. Although, that is the way it is here….Fullfillment wants to fill the void of all desires immediately and completely. That is what it’s nature is. And Desire is designed to be fullfilled immediately and completely. Perhaps the process that is in place here is really a process of elimination. Elimination of Bread of Shame. And, although the way to “do it” seems to be through the act of resistance or restriction……..Perhaps, All we really have to do is check our assumptions.

What is faith? I am watching with concern at the chasm that is widening between those who believe in God and have faith in some kind of ultimate deliverance and those who don’t. With anything like this that has two opposing poles there is a vast middle ground. This ground is made up of those of us who perhaps have a little faith and hope that the an afterlife is possible and those who have decided that they just don’t know and have given up thinking about it. What is Faith? The best defenition I have heard is that it is “The substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen.” We all have faith. I see faith as a faculty not a decision. When you get in a car you have faith that certain things will work. When you hand your money over to the guy selling you the car you have faith that he will hand you the key. But God and all the stuff associated with God has become a very contentious subject. There are a myriad of reasons for this. But the battle has been going on for most of human history, heated up at the beggining of the Renesaince and is getting really hot now as science makes its big play against religion and God. No one else can give you faith or develop your faith. Only you can do that.

Is life a game?  Does it trivialize life to to compare it to a game?  Is life too serious to be considered a game?  Gee whiz, we certainly put a lot of money, time and resources into the games we play.  Every game has a primary objective.  It could be argued that winning the game is the ultimate objective.  Others say it is really how you play that matters.  And some of the best coaches I know have used the word  Love  in describing the most important aspect of playing;  “Play for the love of the game.”  Gaining Agreement on what is the primary objective is important, I believe.  Most games are straightforward and don’t have much ambiguity in figuring out the objective.  Is Life a game? What game are you playing? What is your objective? Are there any rules? What is your strategy? How do you train and get better? How do you measure your results?

Religion is man made. It is obvious. Most religions refer to scriptures for validating their postions. “It is written.” Historical interpretation of scripture reveals that most of it was written many years after events or prophesies were made. But what is it that organized religion provides? Anyone who steps back and looks objectively at the circumstance one finds oneself in most certainly must first enter into some kind of existential crisis. Life is so tenuous and so short. We are consumed with needs and desires….Religion offers the believer an escape from this crisis. All one needs is faith. Faith in what others have decided as the purpose of one’s life, how one should live, where we came from and where we go when we die. Many of us have decided that all religion is a bunch of crap. Not a bad place to start. But I don’t think it is a good place to stay.

The reality is that religion has played a major role in human evolution and it does not look like it is going to end soon. Believers tell you that there is a commitment of faith that must be made in order to fully appreciate and experience their Truth. Make this commitment first and you will then understand. Well, there are a lot of us that are not willing or incapable of taking this leap. So why am I writing about this? I don’t know really…Maybe it is because I am confused. I have wanted to make a spiritual commitment and have checked out a lot of different religions. All of them tell me that there is a God. All of them tell me that I must restrict certain activities and desires. All of them tell me I should attend their weekly and sometimes daily services. All of them tell me there is an afterlife of some kind. All of them tell me that in order to ensure I get to participate in that afterlife I must do what they tell me to do. And all of them tell me I should at least think about giving them a minimum of 10% of my income. Much of what they say rings true to me but Some of it doesn’t. Most of them tell me that Doubt is the enemy so my apprehensions are normal. After a lifetime of searching and experimenting I have decided that one thing is for sure. No matter what any of them say I will not look outside of myself for the Truth. The Truth lies within. This does not mean that you should not study what others have said and what others say. But after studying and searching and testing things out I will always go within to decide. There are many ways to do it. I recommend checking out yoga and meditation. Why? Because, for better or worse, you are with your body and mind this go around. Yoga and meditation are techniques that assist you in being with your body and mind in a productive way.

I think some people should turn to religion if that is what they are called to do. I see any organized religion as a weigh station…a kind of spritual rehab for those who are spiritually empty. Another way to look at it is that religion is like taking antidepressants. It will help you get out of a rut. But once you are out I think it is time to titrate off of it. I would not want to live a significant period of my life on antidepressants. I know some medical professionals think it is necessary for some to be on antidepressants for extended or permanant periods of time. Bullshit!!! You can’t stay in Rehab your whole life and you should not stay on mind alterating drugs your whole life either. Warning!!! Getting off Cold Turkey is sometimes dangerous. It can take up to 3 to 6 months to get off antidepressants and most rehabs suggest aftercare sessions for about 3 to 6 months. So, if you have never experienced religion and have not delved into spiritual matters then check out Christianity or Buddhism or Kabbalah or whatever. Then get out and go within. Explore ways to go within that are void of secular beliefs or dogma. Good Luck