Category Archives: Metaphysical/Spiritual

Type 1 Diabetes; A Spiritual Perspective

I am not going to get into an esoteric discussion of religion or spirituality here.  No, that seems to have been going on since the invention of humanity itself.  There is this camp and that camp and there is a growing movement that believes it is all poppy cock.  I am not part of that movement but I am watching it with curiosity and amusement.  What I am going to do is provide you with a sliver of a perspective regarding type 1 diabetes.

I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at the age of 14 in 1976.  I had not been brought up with any real model of how the world works except that it revolved around me and my immediate family.  I soon came to realize that this model was not very workable and started to explore other possible ways of understanding “how it works.”  

In college I studied the great philosophers and the great religions and have continued to study, explore and experiment throughout my life.  I have never been able to buy into any particular way of looking at our existence (like a religion or a cult) and have managed to stay in a low grade fever of existential crisis pretty much all of my life.  

The acquisition of Type 1 Diabetes was a shock and it focused my attention on my mortality perhaps quicker than most get to think about it.  However, all of my study and exploration has not been for not.  I have come to a foundational understanding of the human condition that I believe is true and accurate and is supported by the latest science and current ways of thinking that are expressed in books like “The Secret” and the movie “What the Bleep do we Know.”  

I believe that the foundation of spirituality is found in the interplay between Fulfillment and Desire.  Two apparent polar opposites.  Our world is full of polar opposites.  And Fulfillment vs. Desire is the Grand Daddy of them all.  

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Healing Type 1 Diabetes

As you know, if you have read some of these blogs, I have had Type 1 diabetes since age 14.  I am now 45.  I believe I am in the process of healing from the disease.  Notice I did not say I am curing myself.  A cure is coming and people are working on a cure.  I have realized that it is my role, my responsibility to heal not to cure.  This perspective has sent me down a few roads I would like to share in this post.  Type 1 diabetes is an auto-immune deficiency disease.  The immune system is designed to attack invaders.  The deficiency is that it somehow decided that the cells that produce insulin are bad and therefore killed them off and continues to kill them off.  As I understand it this is one of the problems with stem cell implants.  The immune system still sees the insulin producing cells as foreign invaders and proceeds to attack and rid them from the body.  The result is catastrophic;  complete system failure.  Thanks to medical science the path of curing disease has been established and continues to progress. Injectable insulin allows the body to survive and blood glucose testing allows us to gain good control.   But why?  Why has the immune system wrongly identified these cells for termination?  I know that there are some medical explanations and genetic faults that perhaps allow it but why?  The answer to why is what has driven my healing process and I have a few clues.1.  I have concluded that there is part of me that does not want to survive in this form, at this time.  2.  I have concluded that there is an issue of addiction.  Think about it.  We need to inject, get our “fix” or be “hooked” to a pump.  3.  There is an issue of balance.  The result of the disease is an imbalance of a critical system in the body and the means to survive involves an ongoing balancing act.The cure will come only when the healing has begun.

Assumptions

If you question your results then check your assumptions.  I read this sentence in a book written by Ayn Rand called Atlas Shrugged. This is a big book.  It takes a long time to read.  I highly recommend it.  The point is that assumptions are the building blocks of context.  And context is, arguably, the most important factor in what determines one’s reality.  Perceived reality (is there any other kind?) is a result.  In fact, the culmination of everyone’s perceived reality results in LIFE.   What are assumptions? To assume means to take for granted.  An assumption is an unconscious and sometimes a conscious belief.  A belief is an acceptance of certain things being true or real.  Faith is an unquestioning belief that does not require proof or evidence.  Sure, I know what some of you are thinking right now.  You are thinking that your assumptions are perhaps a belief but you are not willing to include the word faith in this discussion.  You believe that your assumptions are based on proof and evidence.  And you are right to a degree.  Some of your assumptions are based on proof and evidence.  Or at least they are based on enough proof and/or evidence for you to accept them as true and reliable.  I challenge you to keep an open mind.  I would submit, at this point, that faith is the true foundation of all belief and, therefore, the foundation of all assumptions.  What do you think?

Faith

The substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen….(Heb II, 11:1). Faith is the lynchpin that connects desire to fullfillment. A charged word for sure. The Kabbalists identify the enemy in this life as Doubt. It’s opposite is certainty. Faith is the faculty each of has to increase our level of certainty. Acquiring Type 1 diabetes knocks certainty out of us like getting the wind knocked out of you. The path back to faith requires patience and perserverance.

Check Your Assumptions

I read only one of Ayn Rand’s Books, Atlas Shrugged. I will always remember one quote from that book that made an impact on me……”If you question your results then check your assumptions.” This has influenced me particularly as I continue to pursue my insidious journey for Truth. I see assumptions as foundational structures of perspective. Perspective is attained through a lens of beliefs, conclusions, opinions, habits of thought, attitude, etc. These can all be and are assumptions. A perspective can be and ultimately is a result. My problem has always been a gap of consciousness between results and assumptions. In other words I really have never held a firm and convicted perspective and have seldom been integral, committed and had faith in my assumptions. This is probably due to my ultimate goal of avoiding responsibility and accountability for my outcomes. What a shame. Nevertheless, the universe continues to slowly and tenderly torture me by, ever so softly, putting in front of my niave and gullable mind the thoughts, insights and wisdom of the sages and prophets. Kabbalah talks of “Bread of Shame” as one of the causes of the birth of creation. Our souls wanted to “earn” their fullfillment. Our souls wanted it to be set up so that we were the cause of our own fullfillment.

In the beggining, before the moment of creation it was not set up this way. Rather, any desire our souls had was fullfilled immediately and completely. Bread of Shame is the feeling of guilt and emptiness one feels when one discovers that fullfillment was not earned or deserved. In order for this to occur….God, who is the primal source of all fullfillment, needed to withdraw himself from the picture, if only for a moment. This resulted in the Big Bang and our present reality. Krishmamurti said that …”The paradox of the paradox is the paradox.” The interplay between desire and fullfillment is a 3 person play. Enter stage left…….Desire, the first paradox. Where do these desires come from? Why are some stronger than others? Why do they so often conflict with each other? Enter Stage Right…..Fullfillment, the second paradox. What is fullfillment? Is it happiness? Is it success? Is it Love? Am I the cause of it or not? Enter Center Stage, The third paradox. An Assumption to be sure. It is koan while at the same time an action. It can be understood in comtemplation of a deep Kabbalistic insight….”Fullfillment is the seed of Desire.” In other words, Fullfillment came first. In fact, fullfillment created desire. The third paradox is the filament of the light bulb connecting the negative pole of the power source (DESIRE) with the positive pole of the power source (FULLFILLMENT). It is often characterized as resistance or restriction.

So The paradox of Desire is that Fullfillment is attained through Resistance to The Fullfillment of the Desire itself. Atleast that is the way it is down here. Spritual and religious pursuits begin to lead us to a deeper understanding of the Truth. Although, that is the way it is here….Fullfillment wants to fill the void of all desires immediately and completely. That is what it’s nature is. And Desire is designed to be fullfilled immediately and completely. Perhaps the process that is in place here is really a process of elimination. Elimination of Bread of Shame. And, although the way to “do it” seems to be through the act of resistance or restriction……..Perhaps, All we really have to do is check our assumptions.