Out of Control

The past few weeks have been challenging for me.   I had a record low reading of 27 at 4 in the morning.  I have been as high as 300.  I have used the analogy of flying a plane in describing what it is like to have to manually balance blood sugars.  I have never actually flown a plane so the analogy is really based off of what I would imagine it to be.  When I was in my 20’s I wrote a 3 page paper entitled “Walking the High Wire.”  I was describing the balancing act I engage in as I attempt to keep my blood sugars in as normal a range as I can.  Normal is between 80 and 120.  I think the biggest myth about diabetes is the thought concept that it is similar to having high blood pressure.  The Myth is that diabetes means you have high blood sugar and that if you take your medicine then it will bring it down.  Not exactly.  I am not saying that the two diseases are not alike.  In fact, they are.  It is just, like with any other disease, the medicine is only one component of many that are involved.  Our society’s understanding of disease is such that the component of medicine is often given more significance in the process of healing then it should.  This is understandable given the recent past’s and present advances in medicine.  This understanding of the process has created in our society’s consciousness an attitude that I think is not the most effective thought context to have in engaging with the issue of disease today.  This attitude has served us well up to this point but is now creating a toxic situation in the area of main stream health care.  Everything that is born must die.  This includes ways of doing things and ways of thinking about things.  The role of Medicine must be redefined.  It must be given its new role where it will flourish.  The current role that Medicine is playing here and now has ripened and fallen off the tree.  This is not a bad thing.  It is a good thing and a natural thing.   When the plane starts to experience turbulence it is sometimes hard to get back in balance.  The whole thing is compounded by the emotional and physical effects of the highs and the lows.  I feel depressed and anxious with highs and lows and I tend to overreact.  I know this much from past experience……….When I am out of control something is up.   What I mean by this is that I am up against an issue that I am dealing with.  Initially it is usually unconscious;  below the surface so to speak.  I have a choice.  I can suppress it and not deal with it and it will either persist or retreat to come back sometime in the future.  My other choice is to work it out.  To bring it to the surface of consciousness and address it.  What is it this time?  I am not quite sure but I have some clues.  Writing these blogs has helped me to work some of these issues out and to, consequently, get back in control.  It is a balancing act.  And as with balancing on a high wire when one side becomes heavier or lighter than the other side a correction must be made.  As with flying a plane, if the plane gets to an undesirable altitude then the pilot must make the necessary adjustments.  We are always seeking balance.  Yoga has taught me to come back to the breath first.  Start with deep breathing, then become conscious and finally let go.  As Type 1 diabetics we are given the task of seeking balance.  This can be either a constant pain in the ass or an opportunity for learning.  And the learned eventually become the teachers and so it goes.

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